pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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