Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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