Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
