I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
