No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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