and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
