We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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