i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
