You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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