How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
