so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
