Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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