Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
