whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
