you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize