I looked at my own cervix.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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