I'm jealous of your bromance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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