I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
