I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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