It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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