He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
