Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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