i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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