Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
