Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
