she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
