I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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