Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
