best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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