i permit you to call me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
