i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
