Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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