I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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