READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
