So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
