My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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