Your face is a jimmy john
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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