Someone shit on the floor
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
