the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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