ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just pee around me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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