why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just high enough for therapy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
