you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
