You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
