Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
