My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
