and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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