It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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