you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
