The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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