Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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