...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
