I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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