They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
3 2 1 whiskey
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wear drunk well.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
