That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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