Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my liver is dry heaving
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
