He disabled his match.com account in front of me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
