Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
