Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
