First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
