so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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