I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.