I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
