im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
