i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
