i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
