Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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