drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
