i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
