Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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