the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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