Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
