His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
