Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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