so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
