How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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