Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
