Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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