thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you didnt know i had herpes?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
