I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
