can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
