so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
