How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize