im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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